H.A.V.E.N. Update
By Cathleen Osborne-Gowey (Program Admin – Crime Victim Advocate) 918.554.2836 or COsbornegowey@estoo.net
Upcoming Events:
Support Group: Please call our office for details.
Man Up/My Life Event in February – an amazing event that acknowledges the many physical and mental obstacles teens in Ottawa County Face! Contact our office for more details.
Program Update:
Hello all –
In this month’s article we’re focusing on stalking awareness and defining what is a healthy relationship.
January is Stalking Awareness Month – a time to remind ourselves what stalking is and what it looks like. According to the Department of Justice – “stalking is a pattern of repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear”. Similar to crimes of sexual violence – stalking is about power and control.
The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) reports that about 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men have been stalked at some point in their lives.
What does stalking look like?
According to the CDC Stalking Can Look Like:
- Unwanted following and watching of the victim
- Unwanted approaching or showing up in places, such as the victim’s home, workplace, or school
- Unwanted use of global positioning system (GPS) technology to monitor or track the victim’s location
- Leaving strange or potentially threatening items for the victim to find
- Sneaking into the victim’s home or car and doing things to scare the victim or let the victim know the perpetrator had been there
- Use of technology (e.g., hidden camera, recorder, computer software) to spy on the victim from a distance
- Unwanted phone calls, including hang-ups and voice messages
- Unwanted texts, emails, social media, or photo messages
- Unwanted cards, letters, flowers, or presents
Using technology to socialize and communicate has its conveniences, but it can also make it easier for people to harass others in ways that might be frightening and threatening.
Now that we know what stalking can look like let’s explore what a healthy relationship might look like.
Healthy Relationships
A healthy relationship means that both you and your partner are:
- Communicative. You talk openly about problems and listen to one another. You respect each other’s opinions.
- Respectful. You value each other’s opinions, feelings, and needs, and give each other the freedom to be yourself and be loved for who you are.
- Trusting. You believe what your partner has to say and don’t feel the need to “prove” each other’s trustworthiness.
- Honest. You’re honest with each other but can still keep some things private.
- Equal. You make decisions together and hold each other to the same standards. You and your partner have equal say with regard to major decisions within the relationship. All partners have access to the resources they need.
- Setting boundaries. You enjoy spending time apart, alone, or with others. You respect each other’s need for time and space apart. You communicate with each other about what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
- Practicing consent. You talk openly about sexual and reproductive choices together. All partners always willingly consent to sexual activity and can safely discuss what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
- Parenting supportively. All partners are able to parent in a way that they feel comfortable with. You communicate together about the needs of the child(ren), as well as the needs of the parents.
“All relationships exist on a spectrum from healthy to abusive, with unhealthy relationships somewhere in the middle. Explore our interactive Relationship Spectrum by rating different scenarios as healthy, unhealthy, or abusive and find out where your own relationship falls.
If you recognize any of the warning signs, it may be an indication that your relationship is abusive. Create a safety plan or text, call, or chat now to connect with an advocate to confidentially discuss your situation and explore available options”.
Loveisrespect Relationship Spectrum
Information for this month’s article comes from the CDC (https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/stalking/fastfact.html#:~:text=Stalking%20is%20a%20public%20health,safety%20concerns%20in%20a%20victim.), the National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/resources/healthy-relationships/), RAINN (https://www.rainn.org/articles/stalking#:~:text=%E2%80%9CStalking%20is%20a%20pattern%20of,is%20about%20power%20and%20control.), and Love is Respect (https://www.loveisrespect.org/).
If you have questions about your relationship, want to leave, or have questions about a relationship of someone you know – Haven advocates are here to listen and if needed – connect you with services.
Haven Office Hours: 8:30 am – 4:30 pm Monday – Friday
HAVEN Does NOT provide 24- hour service. After hours please call:
StrongHearts Native Helpline https://strongheartshelpline 1-844-762-8483 (call or text) or Community Crisis Center, Miami, OK 1-800-400-0883
StrongHearts and Community Crisis Center have 24 hour service
Please call the HAVEN office during business hours for more information.
918-554-2836 or Text Line: 918.533.3070
Program Website: https://havenprogram.com/
Program Email: havenprogram@estoo.net Facebook: HAVEN Tribal Program, Twitter: @ProgramHaven, Instagram: HAVENTRIBALProgram.
