Often HAVEN Advocates hear a new client say “I am not sure I qualify for services. He didn’t hit me”, or similar words. It is important to understand that verbal and emotional abuse are damaging. They can also escalate into physical abuse. Relationships are complicated and can be confusing. It is important to know the signs of verbal and emotional abuse. Everyone deserves to feel safe.
Signs of Verbal and Emotional Abuse
Abuse often (but not always) starts with nonphysical abuse tactics such as verbal, emotional, or psychological abuse. It can look at first like a partner has a temper. A survivor may write it off as their partner just “having a bad day” or “being under a lot of stress.” But when that verbal abuse repeats daily, escalates in severity, or starts to make you feel unsafe, these are red flags.
Ask yourself the following questions to identify verbal abuse:
- Does it come out of nowhere? Verbal abuse can occur when everything else is seemingly fine in the relationship.
- Are verbal outbursts or insults beginning to happen in public and not just behind closed doors? This may be a sign of escalation.
- Is your partner tearing you down when you’re visibly happy?
- Are the insults starting to feel familiar?
- Is your partner putting down your interests?
- Does your partner avoid talking about his or her harmful actions after the fact?
- Between incidents, does everything feel like it goes back to normal?
- Do you feel isolated from friends and family?
- Is your partner defining things differently from how you see them? As in, you remember your partner exploding in anger while they describe you as the one who intentionally started the fight (this may be gaslighting).
- Is your partner using verbally abusive language toward you, aka, “You’re so stupid,” “You’d better do what I said,” or “Talk back and you’ll be sorry you did”?
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