Haven December Article

H.A.V.E.N. Update

By Cathleen Osborne-Gowey (Program Admin – Crime Victim Advocate) 918.554.2836 or through our text line at 918.533.3070 and by email at COsbornegowey@estoo.net

Upcoming Events:

Support Group: Please call our office for details.

Program Update:

Hello all –

Winter is settling in, and we find that we’re busier than ever. Haven has recently been awarded the Family Violence Prevention Grant through the Department of Health and Human Services, the Office on Violence Against Women Grants to Indian Tribal Governments grant, and the Office for Victims of Crime Tribal Set Aside grant. All of this funding allows our program to continue offering the necessary services our victims need. We’ve also hired an amazing new advocate and are in the process of hiring another, stayed tuned to next month’s article for their introduction.

In this month’s article we’re focusing on how difficult holidays can be for victims of domestic violence and those that love them.

The article used for this month’s update can be found at: https://womenagainstcrime.com/domestic-violence-and-the-holidays-what-you-should-know/

Domestic Violence and the Holidays: What You Should Know

On the night before Thanksgiving, 911 dispatchers in Albuquerque got a call regarding an unresponsive woman. When the ambulance arrived, Nicole was pronounced dead at the scene, with suspicious marks on her neck and face that denoted beating and strangulation. Her boyfriend, Francisco, who had made the call to 911, was arrested for murder and tampering with evidence.

Unfortunately, this true story is all too common. Women (victims regardless of gender identity) often experience domestic abuse or violence on or around major holidays, including Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and even Super Bowl Sunday. Many victims are unable to escape, in spite of the holidays being a time of family reunions, warm conversations, and generosity..

According to statistics, domestic abuse increases over the holidays, for a number of possible reasons:

  • Stress from holiday shopping, finances, and planning can aggravate volatile personalities.
  • Abusers are more likely to partake of alcohol or drugs when they don’t have to work.
  • Simple opportunity: abuser are more likely to be home alone with their victims than at other times of the year.

Recognizing the Warning Signs

  • It’s easier to get caught up in an abusive relationship than many people think. Abusers can be charming and particularly loving, especially at first. Sometimes it’s easier for friends or family members from the outside to recognize the warning signs of domestic abuse, such as:

Physical signs:

  • Bruises or cuts that are worse than their explanations merit (“I accidentally fell”, “I hit my head on a cabinet”).
  • Wearing inappropriate or unusual clothing to cover up (turtlenecks, sunglasses indoors, long skirts or pants when they usually wear shorter clothing).

Emotional signs:

  • Being unusually quiet, withdrawn, or even fearful.
  • Anxiety or apprehension, especially when away from the abuser.
  • Depression or discussion of suicidal thoughts.
  • Development of a drug or alcohol problem.

Changes in activity:

  • Being late or canceling at the last minute more often than is usual.
  • Avoiding parties or other activities they used to enjoy, especially with friends and family.
  • Lack of money or access to resources because partner has control of it.
  • Some of these personality changes can be due to other circumstances, but when a survivor is experiencing abuse, including sexual abuse, you may notice these occurring in conjunction or more frequently.

The abuser’s behavior may be the biggest red flag for you that your friend or family member is in danger. Keep an eye out for these red flags from the survivor, such as:

  • Excusing abusive behavior as “moody” or “needy” or as being due to drugs or alcohol.
  • Needing to “ask permission” to go out or see or communicate with friends.
  • Jealousy or accusations of infidelity from the partner.
  • Criticism from the partner.
  • Constant “checking in” via texts or phone calls from the partner.
  • Partner accompanying survivor to events unnecessarily.

 

What to Do if You or a Loved One is in an Abusive Relationship

It’s important to remember that violence is never the victim’s fault. If you are speaking to a friend or loved one you assume is a survivor of violence, never be accusatory or critical. Instead, emphasize your unconditional support and love, and offer resources if possible. A few good ones to keep in mind include:

  • Local police phone numbers.
  • Local women’s shelters.
  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Getting out of an abusive relationship can be difficult. There are many resources to help you stay safe and regain control of your life.

Remember: Anyone can become a victim of domestic abuse or violence. It is not a sign of weakness or stupidity. Haven is committed to helping victims become survivors who can help stop the cycle of abuse for themselves and the victims they love, through the holidays and at all times.

If you have concerns about what’s happening in your relationship we’re here to listen and support you!

 

Haven Office Hours: 8:30 am – 4:30 pm Monday – Friday

HAVEN Does NOT provide 24- hour service. After hours please call:

StrongHearts Native Helpline https://strongheartshelpline 1-844-762-8483 (call or text) or Community Crisis Center, Miami, OK 1-800-400-0883

StrongHearts and Community Crisis Center have 24 hour service

Please call the HAVEN office during business hours for more information.

918-554-2836 or Text Line: 918.533.3070

 

Program Website: https://havenprogram.com/

Program Email: havenprogram@estoo.net Facebook: HAVEN Tribal Program, Twitter: @ProgramHaven, Instagram: HAVENTRIBALProgram.