H.A.V.E.N. Update
By Cathleen Osborne-Gowey (Program Admin – Crime Victim Advocate) 541.602.0616 or COsbornegowey@estoo.net
Upcoming Events:
Support Group: Due to the recent increases in local COVID cases our support group and events will be held either virtually or outside. Please call our office for details.
Children’s Christmas Party – Dec. 4th 11am-2pm at Bordertown Old Outdoor Bull Arena. We’ll have a children’s craft booth!
Program Update:
Hello all –
The past few months have been very busy for Haven. We found out that we were awarded the three grants we applied for this past spring and were also awarded additional ARP (American Relief Plan) funds for COVID mitigation and sexual assault services. These funds will allow our program to assist victims with COVID mitigation, start a mobile advocacy unit, and expand our services. Stay tuned to find out more exciting details about the changes to our program.
In this month’s article, we are focusing on how difficult the holidays can be for victims of domestic violence and those that care about them.
Safety Planning for the Holidays
Article Featured on the National Domestic Violence Hotline Website – Safety Planning for the Holidays by Emma, a Hotline Advocate
“The holidays are often a time of joy and community, but for people in abusive relationships, the holidays can be stressful and dangerous. Spending time with family and friends, dealing with financial stress and traveling can make safety planning for the holidays a challenge. Family and friends of survivors may also struggle to find ways to help or be supportive. We wanted to offer a few suggestions for survivors and friends or family of survivors for making the holidays feel safer by safety planning for the upcoming holidays.
How to Communicate
(With those we care about who might be in an abusive relationship)
Many survivors feel isolated in their unhealthy or abusive relationships. Reaching out to family and friends can be an important step in healing. It can help to discuss safe times and ways to communicate. You might consider if there are times during the day when the survivor is typically away from their abusive partner. Or, it might be safer for them to email or text rather than call. (It’s best to make sure the abusive partner does not have access to the survivor’s email account or phone before using these methods to communicate). Make a plan to keep checking in during the holidays. You can also create a code word, which allows the survivor to let someone know they need help without tipping off their partner. Be sure to agree on what action the code word calls for: does it mean you will call them, come over, contact the police, etc.?
It may feel instinctual for family or friends to say an abusive partner is not welcome at a holiday function. You have the right to say who is or isn’t welcome in your home, but emotional support and safety planning can help both you and the survivor to move forward. Keep in mind you can talk or chat with a Hotline advocate to figure out what will work best for you. If you’re worried about someone who is experiencing abuse and you’re not sure what to say, learn more about how to help a friend or family member by calling our Haven office or at https://www.thehotline.org/ .
Traveling Safely
Traveling is a common part of holiday plans. It makes sense that survivors would not feel safe spending time in a small space, like a car or plane, with someone who hurts them. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has tips for safety planning around travel for emotional/physical safety (https://www.thehotline.org/resources/safety-while-traveling-traveling-with-an-abusive-partner/) and if you’re traveling with children (https://www.thehotline.org/resources/safety-while-traveling-traveling-with-children/ ) .
Planning for Visits
A survivor knows best what will help them feel safe, so consider discussing ways to make parties or family visits safer. An example is asking if alcohol tends to worsen an abusive partner’s behavior. Could the family or friend group make a commitment to not have alcohol around, or to limit the amount served? If you’re a survivor who does not feel safe sleeping in the same room as your partner, consider talking with your hosts or family about finding a separate couch or sharing a room with other guests or family members.
Planning for Time Alone
Abuse is about power and control, and many unhealthy or abusive partners may try to exert control by keeping their partners from spending time alone or with others. So, it can be helpful to brainstorm ways to get some space. If you’re a family member or friend, you might ask the survivor to go on a shopping trip or errand with you, go for a walk or workout, invite them to a religious celebration or have them help you with a chore/holiday prep activity. If you’re a survivor, consider brainstorming reasons to get out, like helping someone with holiday plans or gift shopping; you can get creative with these ideas. You can call The Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for creative ideas on safety planning for the holiday.
Practice Self Care
The holiday season is stressful for many people but getting through the holidays while experiencing abuse can feel really overwhelming. Taking time for your health and wellness can make a big difference in how you feel. To learn more about how to build in self-care while staying safe, go to https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-importance-of-self-care/ .
Seeing someone you care about being hurt is also stressful. Remind yourself that you can’t make decisions for someone else, but you can ask a survivor what they need and offer help. We do our best helping when we are taking care of ourselves, so try to make your own plans to get rest, get good nutrition, talk to supportive friends and do things you enjoy”.
If you have questions Haven advocates are always here to listen and help you walk through a safety plan. Also, the National Domestic Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) has advocates available 24 hours a day (7 days a week) to talk to you about your relationship, whether that’s identifying abusive behaviors or helping you find safety.
If you are able, please call or see the messaging links above:
Haven Office: 918-554-2836
Text Line: 918.533.3070
Crime Victim Advocate: 541.602.0616
Program Website: https://havenprogram.com/
Program Email: havenprogram@estoo.net
Facebook: HAVEN Tribal Program, Twitter: @ProgramHaven, Instagram: HAVENTRIBALProgram.
Our advocates are here to help!
