H.A.V.E.N. Update

By Cathleen Osborne-Gowey (Program Admin – Crime Victim Advocate) 918.554.2836 or COsbornegowey@estoo.net

Notable Upcoming Events Haven will Participate In:

Support Group: Please call our office for details.

ESTOO Easter Egg Hunt- donate eggs and prizes

Sexual Assault Awareness Outreach for Indigo Casino guests April 13^th 2-4

Kick Up Heels Sexual Assault Awareness Event at NEO college April 14^th 2-3

Indigo Sky Employee Lunch April 20^th

Donate promotional items to CCDF Parenting Class April 25

Donate promotional items “Welcome Spring” package to Elders April 28 at annual Elder Dinner

April Giveaway is Easter Breakfast Basket

Program Update:

Hello all –

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Do you know what sexual assault incudes? Have you talked to your kids about what consent means? It can be an awkward conversation but it’s essential that we talk to our kids about what sexual assault is and what consent means. At my kids middle and high schools it seems that every spring they have “the talk” about consent – but this year my son’s middle school used the Cup of Tea video. The video uses the example of tea instead of sex to talk about consent – it makes it simple and straightforward for kids to think about what consent means. He came home saying “I didn’t ask for the cup of tea so don’t make me drink tea” for days. The video link is at the bottom of this article – look it up, laugh with your kids, and have a straightforward conversation about consent with your kids.

Information for this article can be found at: https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/sexual-assault-and-rape/sexual-assault#8

Sexual Assault Awareness Month and Tea

What is Sexual Assault and Rape

Sexual assault is any kind of unwanted sexual activity, from touching to rape. If you have been sexually assaulted, it is not your fault, and you are not alone. You can get help.

What does sexual assault include?

Sexual assault can include:

Any type of sexual contact with someone who cannot consent, such as someone who is underage (as defined by state laws), has an intellectual disability, or is passed out (such as from drugs or alcohol) or unable to respond (such as from sleeping)
Any type of sexual contact with someone who does not consent
Rape
Attempted rape
Sexual coercion
Sexual contact with a child
Fondling or unwanted touching above or under clothes

Sexual assault can also be verbal, visual, or non-contact. It is anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual activities or attention. Other examples can include:

Voyeurism, or peeping (when someone watches private sexual acts without consent)
Exhibitionism (when someone exposes himself or herself in public)
Sexual harassment or threats
Forcing someone to pose for sexual pictures
Sending someone unwanted texts or “sexts” (texting sexual photos or messages)

What is Consent

Consent is a clear “yes” to sexual activity. Not saying “no” does not mean you have given consent. Sexual contact without consent is sexual assault or rape.

Your consent means:

You know and understand what is going on (you are not unconscious, blacked out, asleep, underage, or have an intellectual disability).
You know what you want to do.
You are able to say what you want to do or don’t want to do.
You are aware that you are giving consent (and are not impaired by alcohol or drugs).

Sometimes you cannot give legal consent to sexual activity or contact — for example, if you are:

Threatened, forced, coerced, or manipulated into agreeing
Not physically able to (you are drunk, high, drugged, passed out, or asleep)
Not mentally able to (due to illness or disability)
Under the age of legal consent, which varies by state

Remember:

Consent is an ongoing process, not a one-time question. If you consent to sexual activity, you can change your mind and choose to stop at any time, even after sexual activity has started.
Past consent does not mean future consent. Giving consent in the past to sexual activity does not mean your past consent applies now or in the future.
Saying “yes” to a sexual activity is not consent for all types of sexual activity. If you consent to sexual activity, it is only for types of sexual activities that you are comfortable with at that time with that partner. For example, giving consent for kissing does not mean you are giving consent for someone to remove your clothes.

Sit with your teens and watch the Consent/Tea Video – it takes the conversation about consent and uses tea as an example. It sounds silly but it really works – it can be difficult to talk about consent but when you make it about something like “tea” then suddenly it’s less awkward and more clear. “If they asked for tea last week it doesn’t mean they want tea today!”

If you have questions, please contact HAVEN and talk with one of our advocates about how we can help and what services Haven can provide.

Haven Office Hours: 8:30 am – 4:30 pm Monday – Friday

HAVEN Does NOT provide 24- hour service. After hours please call:

StrongHearts Native Helpline https://strongheartshelpline 1-844-762-8483 (call or text) or Community Crisis Center, Miami, OK 1-800-400-0883

StrongHearts and Community Crisis Center have 24 hour service

HAVEN is a tribal advocacy program offering support for all victims of crime, specifically domestic violence, sexual assault, and human trafficking. We serve all ESTOO tribal members REGARDLESS of where they live and local community members within Ottawa County and the cities of Vinita, Jay, Grove OK and Seneca, MO.

Please call the HAVEN office during business hours for more information.

918-554-2836 or Text Line: 918.533.3070

Program Website: https://havenprogram.com/

Program Email: havenprogram@estoo.net

Facebook: HAVEN Tribal Program, Twitter: @ProgramHaven, Instagram: HAVENTRIBALProgram.