Walk in in retail store in early February and it quickly becomes apparent that Valentine’s Day is on the horizon. According to the National Retail Federation, American consumers will spend $21.8 billion dollars this year on candy, flowers, cards, and other gifts to be given on February 14th. For many, participating in the Valentine holiday by giving and receiving tokens of love brings warmth to the heart on a cold day in February, but the survivors of domestic violence may feel pain and isolation instead.
“About 49.1% of Oklahoma women and 40.7% of Oklahoma men experience domestic violence in their lifetimes, including intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner rape, or intimate partner stalking.” (https://ncadv.org/state-by-state). The high rates of domestic violence in our area ensures that each of us knows a victim of abuse or possibly you are a survivor yourself.
In the article “A Survivor’s Guide to Getting Through Valentine’s Day, Ally Hirschlag explains how survivors may react to the holiday. “Holidays that revolve around love can be particularly painful because aggressors often cite affection as a reason for abusing their partners. “Regardless of whether or not this is how the violence is justified, the fact that the violence occurs between people who are romantically linked means that any ‘holiday’ or event that revolves around love and expressions of love can be upsetting/triggering to the abused person,” Christine Selby, an associate professor of psychology at Husson University, explains. The gift giving encouraged around Valentine’s Day can also be tricky for survivors, Selby says, because “flowers, chocolate, or jewelry are [often] offered to the person who has been abused as a way of ‘apologizing’ for the abuse.”
Each of us have the opportunity this Valentine’s Day to offer support to our survivor friends by recognizing the feelings that the holiday may instigate and offer love, validation and encouragement, all of which are much more valuable than the retail offerings that are flooding our stores.
If you are a survivor, please know that Haven advocates are here to offer confidential services and encouragement.
You can find the full article with more information and great survival tips at https://www.allure.com/story/valentines-day-guide-for-domestic-violence-survivors/amp
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