This week’s FYI email focuses on survivors living in violence during COVID and safety planning while living with an abuser.
Create a safety plan.
A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that includes ways to remain safe while in a relationship, planning to leave, or after you leave. Here at The Hotline, we safety plan with victims, friends, family members, and anyone who is concerned about their own safety or the safety of someone else.
You and your partner may be told by either or both of your employers to work remotely to limit social interaction. Having a safety plan laid out can help you to protect yourself during this stressful time. You can learn more about about safety plans by talking with a Haven advocate or reviewing them on the National Domestic Violence Hotline website (https://www.thehotline.org/help/path-to-safety/)
Because there may be limited shelter availability due to COVID-19, consider alternatives such as staying with family or friends, staying in motels, or sleeping in your vehicle. Be extra mindful of good hygiene practices if you’re leaving as well – wash your hands regularly, avoid touching your face, minimize contact with surfaces that other people have had contact with, etc.
Safety While Living with an Abusive Partner.
- Identify your partner’s use and level of force so that you can assess the risk of physical danger to you and your children before it occurs.
- Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move to those areas.
- Don’t run to where the children are, as your partner may hurt them as well.
- If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target. Dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined.
- If possible, have a phone accessible at all times and know what numbers to call for help. Know where the nearest public phone is located. Know the phone number to your local shelter. If your life is in danger, call the police.
- Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your situation and develop a plan and visual signal for when you need help.
- Teach your children how to get help. Instruct them not to get involved in the violence between you and your partner. Plan a code word to signal to them that they should get help or leave the house.
- Tell your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is being violent. Tell them that neither you, nor they, are at fault or are the cause of the violence, and that when anyone is being violent, it is important to stay safe.
- Practice how to get out safely. Practice with your children.
- Plan for what you will do if your children tells your partner of your plan or if your partner otherwise finds out about your plan.
- Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible.
- Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping it fueled. Keep the driver’s door unlocked and others locked — for a quick escape.
- Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you.
- Create several plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day or night.
Reach out for help.
While people are encouraged to stay at home, you may feel isolated from your friends and family. Even if you are isolated, try to maintain social connections online or over the phone, if it is safe to do so, and try to stick to your daily routines as much as possible.
For any victims and survivors who need support, we are here for you at 918.554.2836 or through our text line at 918.533.3070.
You can also access an advocate 24/7, through the National Domestic Violence Hotline, by calling 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 for TTY, or if you’re unable to speak safely, you can log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522.
(This information and more can be found at the National Domestic Violence Hotline website at https://www.thehotline.org/)
Remember, you are NOT alone!
If you (or someone you love) are co-quarantined with an abuser or worried about having to self-isolate from coronavirus in a dangerous home situation, please REACH OUT!
Find more information on our website: https://havenprogram.com/
If you are able please call or see the messaging links above:
Haven Office: 918-554-2836
Text Line: 918.533.3070
OVC and Crime Victim Advocate: 541.602.0616
Website: havenprogram.com, Facebook: HAVEN Tribal Program, Twitter: @ProgramHaven, Instagram: HAVENTRIBALProgram).
Our advocates are here to help!
