Have you heard of the term love bombing? Love bombing is a form of psychological and emotional abuse that involves a person going above and beyond for you in an effort to manipulate you into a relationship with them.
See the warning signs below:
Love bombing signs
When you’re caught in a love bombing cycle, it can be hard to spot signs of trouble — but the signs are there, if you know where to look. Here are some common signs of love bombing:
- They give you needless gifts
A love bomber might shower you with unexpected gifts as tokens of their affection. Though gift-giving is a love language for some people, this becomes a problem when the gifts are unnecessary, unwanted, extravagant or over-the-top. If you make it known that you don’t want these gifts and they keep giving them to you anyway, this is a red flag that you’re being love bombed.
“It’s more than just flowers on a first date,” notes Dr. Tiani. “These gifts are usually something quite elaborate, expensive or big purchases to win you over.”
- They’re in a rush to lock things down
People who love bomb tend to jump the gun. They’ll be quick to call you their soulmate, fantasize about eloping (and talk openly about those fantasies) or they’ll talk about meeting you as if it was a lifelong dream. They might even be interested in introducing you to close friends and family members right off the bat, even when it feels too soon. And they’re likely to bring up the idea of commitment early in a relationship, or even skip major milestones to rush toward a happy ending.
“They want to create a sense of intimacy, closeness and commitment very quickly,” says Dr. Tiani. “After three dates, they may say things like, ‘You’re my soulmate,’ and while that feels good, it can also be overwhelming.”
- They’re always available and demanding of your attention
A person who love bombs will appear to depend on you more than other people for comfort, time, energy and dedication. Over time, as your relationship builds, they may become more demanding by getting angry with you or jealous of other friends or family members.
When this happens, they may present unfair ultimatums that force you to choose between them and other people you care about — and even other responsibilities you have to work, hobbies and more.
“They prefer you to spend time with them as opposed to other important people because they want to monopolize your time so that you rely solely on them,” says Dr. Tiani. “Over time, they can start guilting you into staying with them or putting them first before other people and things you care about.”
- They can’t take ‘no’ for an answer
No means no in every circumstance. Period. Full stop.
But if you tell a love bomber you’re not OK with their behavior or try to set up healthy boundaries, they’re likely to become argumentative, question your line of thinking and may even push you into believing you’re wrong for saying no in the first place.
“If it feels like a boundary or many boundaries have been crossed, that’s a sign that your voice isn’t being heard and your opinion doesn’t matter in the relationship,” Dr. Tiani states.
- They like you better when you’re alone
By isolating you from your family and friends, a person who love bombs amplifies their control over you and the activities you participate in.
Sometimes, this can be very obvious, like if they refuse to allow you to do certain activities, go to certain locations or spend time with other people without having them present. Other times, their imposed isolation is more subtle, like if they get moody, angsty or sad whenever you try to do something without them.
Either way, if your partner tries to coerce you into doing something you’re not comfortable with or they make you feel unsafe, this is a sign of emotional abuse.
- They over-communicate their love for you
Love bombing doesn’t always involve obvious displays of gift-giving, grand gestures and face-to-face manipulation. Sometimes, it can happen more subtly in day-to-day conversation.
A person who love bombs might check in frequently about what you’re doing when they’re not around. Maybe they over-communicate how they feel about you or check up on your location. Sometimes, they can even overdo it online by posting too frequently how they feel about you in an attempt to gain public acceptance of your relationship.
“A lot of it can be verbal,” says Dr. Tiani. “If it’s excessive and it feels like you’re moving too quickly, that’s a sign you may be getting love bombed. As the relationship goes on, these instances can get even more intense.”
- You feel overwhelmed, uneasy or off-balance
Sometimes, it’s OK to wonder whether you’re on the same page as your partner. We all love at different paces and in different stages, and what feels right for someone else may not feel right for you. If you ever feel uneasy, off-balance or overwhelmed — and you communicate these feelings to your partner, but they don’t reciprocate those feelings or respond in healthy, positive ways — these are signs trouble may be brewing.
HAVEN Advocates are here to help!
Read the full article:
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/love-bombing
Want to learn more:
Avoiding the Love Bombing Trap: Early Signs and Warnings (youtube.com)
