Haven June Article

H.A.V.E.N. Update

By Cathleen Osborne-Gowey (Program Admin – Crime Victim Advocate) 918.554.2836 or COsbornegowey@estoo.net

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Hello all –

This month we’re focusing on recognizing what to look for or the red flags in domestic violence situations. Many of us have been with a friend or at a family event and wondered if what we just saw or heard is a red flag. Read the article below and learn what the red flags to domestic violence are and reach out to Haven if you have questions.

Being a Supportive Friend: Recognizing the Signs of Domestic Violence

Being a good friend means showing up not just during the good times, but also when someone is struggling, especially in situations that may involve domestic violence. Often, victims don’t or can’t come right out and say they’re being abused, so it’s important to listen carefully and notice patterns in what they say or how they behave. Trust your instincts if something feels off, and create a safe, non-judgmental space where your friend feels comfortable talking. Checking in regularly, asking open-ended questions, and being patient can make all the difference. Understanding the red flags in their language and actions is a powerful way to recognize when someone might be in trouble and needs support.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR – RED FLAGS

Physical or sexual violence may occur without warning. Sometimes, however, there may be signs or “red flags” that serve as warnings that abuse may occur. The following are examples of a person’s behavior or personality that may be a warning that a person may be abusive. If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship or be at risk for it. It’s recommended that you speak with a domestic violence advocate, Haven advocates are here to help!

Does your partner tease you in a hurtful way in private or in public?
Does your partner call you names such as “stupid” or “bitch”?
Does your partner act jealous of your friends, family, or co-workers?
Does your partner get angry about clothes you wear or how you style your hair?
Does your partner check-up on you by calling, driving by, or getting someone else to?
Has your partner gone places with you or sent someone just to “keep an eye on you”?
Does your partner insist on knowing who you talk with on the phone?
Does your partner blame you for his problems or his bad mood?
Does your partner get angry so easily that you feel like you’re “walking on eggshells”?
Does your partner hit walls, drive dangerously, or do other things to scare you?
Does your partner often drink or use drugs?
Does your partner insist that you drink or use drugs with him?
Have you lost friends or no longer see some of your family because of your partner?
Does your partner accuse you of being interested in someone else?
Does your partner read your mail, go through your purse, or other personal papers?
Does your partner keep money from you, keep you in debt, or have “money secrets?”
Has your partner kept you from getting a job, or caused you to lose a job?
Has your partner sold your car, made you give up your license, or not repaired your car?
Does your partner threaten to hurt you, your children, family, friends, or pets?
Does your partner force you to have sex when you do not want to?
Does your partner force you to have sex in ways that you do not want to?
Does your partner threaten to kill you or himself if you leave?
Is your partner like “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,” acting one way in front of other people and another way when you are alone?