The holiday season can bring moments of joy, celebration, and connection—but it can also bring pressure, financial strain, and be emotionally overwhelming , especially for survivors of domestic violence. If you are feeling stretched thin, exhausted, or weighed down by expectations this time of year, please know that you are not alone. The following suggestions apply to all of us this time of year!
Gifts Can Be Meaningful, but Recovery Comes from Feeling Safe
Gift-giving can feel joyful, but when budgets are tight, it can also feel stressful—especially for survivors with children who may feel pressure to “make up” for difficult times with extravagant gifts. Ayers, a survivor herself, understands this deeply. Her young daughter witnessed abuse, and Ayers once tried to pour her guilt and love into gifts.
“I poured my feelings into gifts, but what she just needed was a hug and an honest conversation about how she was feeling,” Ayers shares. “What I would say to other moms who are trying to overextend themselves is to just pause and take a moment and reflect on where that is coming from. Consider what other approach[es] besides a gift or spending money you can give that person.”
FreeFrom, in a recent webinar on financial wellness during the holidays, encouraged survivors to create new joyful rituals—and to set healthy boundaries, even when that feels uncomfortable. Sometimes that may sound like:
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“No, I can’t fly across the country this year. My peace—and my financial stability—come first. But I can join via Zoom.”
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“That person is not welcome in my home because it’s not safe for me or my children.”
Setting boundaries is a skill that many survivors were never allowed to practice—but it can be learned and strengthened. As Irene van der Zande writes in Relationship Safety Skills, “Safe and strong relationships start from a foundation of understanding appropriate boundaries.”
Affordable and Meaningful Holiday Gift Ideas
If you’re looking for low-cost or no-cost ways to make the season special, here are thoughtful ideas shared by survivors:
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Themed gift exchange: Choose a fun theme and set a low price cap (e.g., “Starts with the recipient’s first initial—$10 or less”).
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Write letters: A heartfelt note can mean far more than any store-bought item.
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Quote Rocks: Paint inspiring quotes on rocks with dollar-store supplies.
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Acts of Service: Offer help like cooking dinner, babysitting, teaching a skill, or planning a special activity.
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Jar of memories: Fill a jar with written memories or affirmations for a loved one.
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Local adventures: Plan a free or low-cost outing—museum days, community festivals, kids-eat-free restaurants—and give your child an “adventure itinerary.”
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Scavenger hunt: Turn inexpensive items into a fun, playful search around your home.
These ideas remind us that what truly matters isn’t the price tag—it’s the connection, intention, and safety behind each gesture.
You Deserve a Holiday Rooted in Safety and Peace
The pressure to create a “perfect holiday” can weigh especially heavily on all of us. It is important to remember that meaningful holidays don’t come from perfection. They come from safety, emotional connection, and doing only what feels manageable for you and your family.
Wishing you peace and safety this holiday season!
Thank you for reading,
