Moving Beyond Bystander Intervention: Intervening Earlier
Lasts weeks FYI discussed bystander intervention, which encourages people to step in when they see a situation that could lead to sexual harassment or assault. This is an important tool and can help stop harmful situations in the moment.
However, preventing sexual violence also requires us to intervene earlier—before situations escalate. That means challenging attitudes, language, and behaviors that normalize disrespect, harassment, or entitlement.
If we only step in at the point where something dangerous is happening, we are already late in the process. Cultural change happens when we address the smaller behaviors that make harmful actions seem acceptable.
“Boys will be boys” is the perfect example of a common attitude and response that is often heard in our culture. The phrase “boys will be boys” is often used to excuse aggressive or disrespectful behavior. When these behaviors go unchallenged, it sends a message that such actions are normal, unavoidable or acceptable for boys and men.
Preventing sexual violence means challenging these ideas early, before they escalate into more serious harm.
Here are examples where adults witness or hear about teenage boys’ behavior and excuse it with attitudes similar to “boys will be boys.” These examples can help show how adult reactions can reinforce or challenge harmful norms.
Example 1: Teacher Overhears a Comment
Situation:
A teacher overhears a teenage boy commenting on a girl’s body in the hallway. When another student mentions it later, the teacher responds, “Teenage boys can be immature. They’ll grow out of it.”
A teacher overhears a teenage boy commenting on a girl’s body in the hallway. When another student mentions it later, the teacher responds, “Teenage boys can be immature. They’ll grow out of it.”
Why this matters:
When adults dismiss behavior like this, it signals to students that harassment is not taken seriously.
When adults dismiss behavior like this, it signals to students that harassment is not taken seriously.
A better response might be:
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“Comments about someone’s body aren’t appropriate.”
Example 2: Parent Responding to a Complaint
Situation:
A girl tells her parent that a boy at school keeps snapping her bra strap and teasing her. The parent shrugs and says, “That probably means he likes you.”
A girl tells her parent that a boy at school keeps snapping her bra strap and teasing her. The parent shrugs and says, “That probably means he likes you.”
Why this matters:
This teaches young people that discomfort or boundary violations are normal parts of attention or attraction.
This teaches young people that discomfort or boundary violations are normal parts of attention or attraction.
A better response might be:
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“No one should touch you like that without permission.”
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Encouraging the student to report it to a teacher or school staff.
Example 3: Coach in the Locker Room
Situation:
A coach overhears teenage boys making sexual jokes about girls at school. Instead of addressing it, the coach laughs and says, “Focus on the game, guys.”
A coach overhears teenage boys making sexual jokes about girls at school. Instead of addressing it, the coach laughs and says, “Focus on the game, guys.”
Why this matters:
Athletic environments can strongly influence social norms. Ignoring the behavior can reinforce the idea that disrespectful talk is acceptable in certain spaces.
Athletic environments can strongly influence social norms. Ignoring the behavior can reinforce the idea that disrespectful talk is acceptable in certain spaces.
A better response might be:
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“We don’t talk about people that way on this team.”
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Reinforcing that respect is part of good character and leadership.
Example 4: Parent Defending Their Son
Situation:
A school contacts a parent because their son repeatedly messages a girl after she asked him to stop. The parent responds, “He’s just persistent. Boys chase girls—it’s normal.”
A school contacts a parent because their son repeatedly messages a girl after she asked him to stop. The parent responds, “He’s just persistent. Boys chase girls—it’s normal.”
Why this matters:
Excusing persistent behavior after someone has said no can normalize ignoring boundaries.
Excusing persistent behavior after someone has said no can normalize ignoring boundaries.
A better response might be:
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“If someone asks you to stop, you need to respect that.”
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Talking with the teen about consent and respecting rejection.
Example 5: Family Gathering
Situation:
At a family gathering, a teenage boy makes a comment about a girl’s body. An adult laughs and says, “He’s becoming a young man.”
At a family gathering, a teenage boy makes a comment about a girl’s body. An adult laughs and says, “He’s becoming a young man.”
Why this matters:
Comments like this reward or validate behavior that objectifies others.
Comments like this reward or validate behavior that objectifies others.
A better response might be:
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“Let’s not talk about people like that.”
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Redirecting the conversation and explaining why respect matters.
Example 6: School Administrator Minimizing Behavior
Situation:
Students report that a teenage boy keeps following a girl around school and asking her out after she said no. An adult responds, “He probably just has a crush.”
Students report that a teenage boy keeps following a girl around school and asking her out after she said no. An adult responds, “He probably just has a crush.”
Why this matters:
Minimizing behavior can make the person experiencing it feel unsupported or dismissed.
Minimizing behavior can make the person experiencing it feel unsupported or dismissed.
A better response might be:
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“If someone says no, that needs to be respected.”
Key Point for Prevention
Adults play a major role in shaping norms. When adults excuse behavior with statements like:
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“Boys will be boys”
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“He just likes her”
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“That’s how teenage boys are”
…it can unintentionally reinforce harmful ideas about boundaries, consent, and respect.
When adults set clear expectations and address behavior early, they help create environments where respect and accountability are the norm.
Preventing sexual violence isn’t only about intervening in dangerous situations—it also involves adults responding thoughtfully to everyday behaviors and avoiding messages that excuse disrespectful actions. When we challenge harmful excuses early, it helps create an environment where respect and consent are the norm, reducing the conditions that allow sexual violence to occur. We can all make a difference!
Thanks for reading
