H.A.V.E.N. Update
By Cathleen Osborne-Gowey (Program Admin – Crime Victim Advocate) 918.554.2836 or COsbornegowey@estoo.net
Upcoming Events:
Support Group: Please call our office for details.
Program Update:
Hello all –
This month we’re talking about Pride Month (which was in June) and supporting LGBTQ+ survivors of violence. First a word from our Outreach Coordinator:
“June is Pride Month, a time to celebrate the history, resilience, and contributions of the LGBTQ+ community while also recognizing the ongoing challenges many individuals still face. Pride serves as both a celebration and a reminder that everyone deserves dignity, safety, and support. At HAVEN, we want our LGBTQ+ friends, neighbors, and clients to know that you are welcome here. We are committed to providing a safe, respectful, and supportive environment for everyone. Studies continue to show that LGBTQ+ individuals experience higher rates of homelessness, domestic violence, mental health struggles, and barriers to accessing services compared to the general population. That is why inclusive, compassionate care matters.
During Pride Month and every month, HAVEN stands with our LGBTQ+ community and remains dedicated to ensuring that every person who walks through our doors is treated with respect, kindness, and dignity”.
Information for this article can be found at: https://www.dvafoundation.org/
Supporting Survivors of Violence
- Through helping your loved one find safety, and by offering practical support and encouragement, friends and family can play a vital role in decreasing the isolation of abuse.
- If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, say it out loud! Deciding to get involved is not easy – you may doubt your instincts and observations, or you may think it’s none of your business or hope someone else will get involved instead of you. Perhaps you feel that their problem will “work itself out”. Not so, domestic violence doesn‘t usually end unless action is taken to stop it and you may be someone that can help. Of course, it can be hard to know what to do.
- People are often reluctant to discuss something so intimate as they’re afraid of intruding and/or being wrong about their suspicions or approach. Domestic and family violence is not just a private problem – it is a crime with serious repercussions for your loved one, any children or pets involved and the community as a whole.
- For most of us, the decision to end a relationship is not easy and leaving a violent relationship is even harder. The person being abused will most likely have emotional ties to their abuser and despite the abuse, they may love that person and be living with hope that the violence will end. They may also be financially dependent on their abuser, have children and/or pets together that they are afraid of losing, or believe they are deserving of abuse due to ongoing manipulation and psychological abuse. All of these are major hurdles that your friend/family/community member may have to face when trying to leave a violent relationship.
The Warning Signs
Understanding the warning signs can help you identify an abusive relationship. You may even notice them before your friend or loved one does.
If You Suspect Your Friend or Family Member Is a Victim
The person may:
- Seem intimidated or anxious around their partner/family member or when this person contacts them
- Seem withdrawn in general or reluctant to speak about their relationship
- Be overly anxious to please their partner/family member
- Mention that their partner/family member follows them or that they constantly ring or text them wanting to know where they are, what they are doing and who they are with; or you may notice that they’re getting constant texts and calls from that person
- Be regularly criticized or verbally put down by their partner/family member
- Say their partner/family member questions their sexuality and/or their gender
- Say their partner is jealous or possessive, and accuses them of having affairs with other people
- Repeatedly have bruises or other injuries with explanations that don’t seem to fit the injury
- Increasingly stop seeing or speaking with you, as well as other friends and family members or their mob
- Seem nervous to spend money or seem like they don’t have access to money or that their partner makes them account for every dollar they spend.
- Have children who seem frightened or too well behaved in the partner’s presence
- Make excuses for their partner or family member’s abusive behavior
How you can help:
- Be patient – It’s hard for others to tell you things they’re ashamed of, and very few people will tell you the whole story straight away. Reassure them that you’re there for them whenever they’re ready to talk.
- Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried – sometimes the person being abused isn’t aware of how widespread the abuse is and this can alert them to it.
- Listen to them without judging.
- Let them make their own decisions – they don’t need to be controlled by you as well.
- Be willing to contact the police if you think that safety is a serious issue.
- Offer them a safe place to stay.
- Help them write a safety plan – you can contact Haven with them.
- Reassure them that you’re trustworthy and whatever they say will be kept confidential.
- Don’t tell the abuser that you spoke to them about their relationship at all.
- Find appropriate support services and offer to take them there or call with them.
- Remember that people may stay in a relationship with someone who abuses them for reasons that are not known to you. Try not to judge them or expect them to act how you would like them to behave.
LGBTQ+ individuals experience intimate partner violence (IPV) at equal or higher rates than heterosexual individuals. As our Outreach Coordinator said, studies show that LGBTQ+ individuals experience barriers to accessing services compared to heterosexual victims.
If you or someone you know needs services, remember, you are NOT ALONE! HAVEN stands with our LGBTQ+ community and remains dedicated to ensuring that every person who walks through our doors is treated with respect, kindness, and dignity
Haven Office Hours: 8:30 am – 4:30 pm Monday – Friday
HAVEN Does NOT provide 24- hour service. After hours please call:
StrongHearts Native Helpline https://strongheartshelpline 1-844-762-8483 (call or text) or Community Crisis Center, Miami, OK 1-800-400-0883
StrongHearts and Community Crisis Center have 24 hour service
Please call the HAVEN office during business hours for more information.
918-554-2836 or Text Line: 918.533.3070
Program Website: https://havenprogram.com/
Program Email: havenprogram@estoo.net Facebook: HAVEN Tribal Program, Twitter: @ProgramHaven, Instagram: HAVENTRIBALProgram.
