10 phrases that sound caring but are actually a subtle sign of gaslighting
by Ava Sinclair | August 30, 2024, 7:41 am
Ever had a chat that left you feeling a bit off, even though it sounded nice?
Well, sometimes, that odd feeling can come from a sneaky kind of bullying called ‘gaslighting.’ It’s hard to spot because it’s often hidden behind kind words. But knowing what to look for is the first step to stopping it.
So, sit back, relax and let’s talk about ten things people might say that sound caring but could be a sign of gaslighting.
1) You’re too sensitive
This phrase might sound like someone is just worrying about your feelings. But sometimes, it’s used in a sneaky way to make your feelings seem less important. It’s like telling you that you’re wrong for feeling the way you do. If you hear this a lot, it could be a sign of gaslighting.
2) I’m only saying this for your own good
Now, this one can be a bit tricky. It sounds like the person is just looking out for you, right? But sometimes, it’s used to control or criticize you. Under the guise of concern, it makes you question your choices and decisions. If this phrase becomes a regular part of your conversations, you might be dealing with gaslighting.
3) Don’t you trust me?
I remember a time when a friend of mine kept making plans and then cancelling them at the last minute. When I brought it up, he responded with, “Don’t you trust me?” It felt like he was making me feel guilty for questioning his actions, even though I had valid reasons to. This phrase can often be used to deflect attention from their behavior and make you feel like you’re in the wrong for doubting them. If this sounds familiar, it might be a sign of gaslighting.
4) You’re remembering it wrong
This phrase is a classic gaslighting technique. It’s used to make you doubt your own memory, perception, and sanity. An interesting fact about this is that it’s called “The Gaslight Effect,” named after a 1944 film “Gaslight,” where a man manipulates his wife to make her believe she’s losing her mind. If someone consistently questions your memory or experiences, you might be dealing with gaslighting.
5) I hate to see you like this
This phrase can really tug at your heartstrings. It sounds like the person genuinely cares about your feelings. But sometimes, it’s used to subtly shift the blame onto you, making you feel responsible for their distress. It’s a manipulative technique that makes you feel guilty for having emotions or reactions that are completely valid. No one should be made to feel bad for expressing their feelings. If this phrase is frequently used in your conversations, it might be a subtle sign of gaslighting.
6) You’re overreacting
I’ll never forget the time when I was upset about something, and a person close to me said, “You’re overreacting.” It made me feel like my feelings were too much or not important. It’s a phrase that can minimize your experiences and make you second-guess your reactions.
7) I worry about you
This phrase can hit hard. On the surface, it sounds like someone deeply cares about you. But sometimes, it’s used as a weapon to control you, making you feel like you can’t handle your own life. It’s like they’re saying, “You can’t do this without me.” If this phrase is often used to undermine your confidence and independence, it’s possibly a sign of gaslighting. It’s manipulative, and honestly, it’s not fair to you.
8) I’m the only one who truly understands you
This phrase might sound like a testament to your close connection, but it can actually be a form of isolation. Gaslighters often use this phrase to cut you off from other people and make you overly dependent on them. This harmful tactic is known as ‘gatekeeping’ in psychology. If you feel like someone is limiting your connections with others under the guise of understanding you best, beware.
9) You know I do this because I love you, right?
I remember hearing this phrase once and it made me question everything. It was after an argument, and the person tried to justify their hurtful words with love. But here’s the thing: love should never be an excuse for harmful behavior. This phrase can trick you into thinking that hurtful actions are okay because they’re done out of love. If you’ve been told something similar, it might be a sign of gaslighting. And remember, it’s not okay. You deserve better.
10) You’re just tired/stressed
This phrase can really mess with your head. It brushes off your real feelings or worries, blaming them on being tired or stressed instead of taking them seriously. It’s like saying, “Your feelings don’t matter.” If this phrase is used to dismiss your concerns instead of addressing them honestly, it might be a sign of gaslighting. And frankly, it’s not fair. You deserve to be heard and understood.
Final thoughts
These phrases can be signs of gaslighting. They might not always mean someone’s trying to bully you; the situation matters too. But if you often feel small, confused, or upset, it might be time to take a closer look at your relationship.
HAVEN Advocates are here to help!
